"I only make jokes to distract myself from the truth."
Of the few Zero 7 & Sia collaborations from the early 2000's, perhaps my favorite is Distractions. If you don't know Zero 7 and especially the early work of Sia, do yourself a favor and listen to Distractions (embedded so you can play it right here) while reading the rest of this post. Then go download all of Zero 7 from Spotify. SOOO GOOOOD.
I think we've all been prone at one point or another to follow that pattern of making a joke to distract, or take attention away from, ourselves. In this song, for Sia, it's been jokes to distract her from really diving in to the love she has for the person she's singing to, as seen in the first verse of the song:
"Fancy, big house... some kids, and a horse
I can not quite... but nearly... guarantee... a divorce"
Only to refrain (pun) later, professing her love to her partner, defending her love and that her jokes were mere distractions:
"I love you. I love you. I love you, I do!
I only make jokes to distract myself from the truth..."
For me that's similar to when I have to apologize for a horrible dad-joke gone awry.
There are a number of ways to distract ourselves from the truth. From self-deprecating humor to doing everything but what we need to do, distraction can be used for two things:
- Take the attention away from the pain you don't want to feel
- Take the attention away from the joy you don't think you deserve to feel
Either way, I know it's a lose-lose situation...
...So I did it anyway.
Day 26 of this challenge was also the 3rd birthday of the oldest boy we fostered for 16 months. Now, since the boys left 6 months ago, we've been able to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and even the youngest's birthday with sadness and introspection but relatively unscathed. As May 1st neared, though, I could feel pain coming on. And so, with a long list of to-do's in hand, a commitment to working out and eating healthy, and a commitment to sharing this journey with readers/followers of The Daley Kennedy, I set out to, you guessed it - distract myself from the truth.
With all of those things running through my mind, I set out to Orchard Supply Hardware for supplies to re-paint the room that once served as playroom, rationalizing that the fresh coat of paint and restructuring of the room as my office would spur creativity and cleanse the home of any stuck energy.
The good news...
The restructuring of the room didn't replace the happy memories by any means, instead it helped navigate the next phase of this particular room's journey and created a space for clarity. A fresh, bright-white let more light into the room because of the reflective nature of the color and allowed me to create a new space for working and even filming content.
The challenging news...
This exercise resulted in a bit of work overload for the next couple of days. It provided me with a chance to beat myself up for not finishing things on my list I committed to finishing on time. But most importantly, the lesson served from this exercise was a clear reminder that even though I'm setting out on a journey to achieve the holistically healthy version of myself by the age of 40, it doesn't mean I've accomplished it and it's clear coasting.
So Now What?
Now I venture to attract vs. distract myself from the truth. Now I go on to days 24-1. I invite in more introspection but also more fun. In the next three weeks, I'll share more of the internal journey (the mindfulness slice of the pie) but more importantly, I'll start having some damn fun. Taking back the journey for the good in it. Taking on the challenges tackling fears as well as the actions that bring joy. After all, isn't that what life is all about? Finding Joy?
ALSO... I figure out what furniture is going in to this now sparse room hahaha.